My friend Maurice said to me the other day that there is one thing that he is really jealous of me about, the fact that I have so many good friends. He said that he was never able to keep many good friends because an ex wife of his drove them away or something. I've been really thinking a lot about this lately. I really do have a ton of people that I consider good friends. And to think, there was a time when I thought the only way to keep good friends was to be in a gang.
Yes a gang. Most people I tell this can never picture me in a gang. I can hardly picture it myself. Sometimes I wonder if it ever really happened and how I wound up normal and most of them are drug addicts or stuck in dead end jobs or in jail. Okay, I admit, it wasn't like I was in the bloods or the crypts. The gang was actually a joke. I realized this one day when I heard the story about a fight that happened during a football game. I was playing in the game and would like to think that the events would have transpired differently but who knows.
The story goes, that this kid showed up at the football game that we were playing at home to see some girl that he was dating from my hometown. A friend of mine that was in the gang had some, what I would have called at that time, beef with this kid and approached him. The kid hit my friend and knocked him out. A "gang" of us surrounded him and one kid stepped out and also approached the kid only to also get knocked out. One last kid stepped out there to get knocked out and the crowd backed away from him. I realized that day that this "gang" I was in was a joke.
I guess I had my reasons at that time to join a gang. They provided me with the male friendships that I needed in my life at the time, a sort of male family member that I didn't feel I had in my life. They showed love for me and stuck up for me when the shit hit the fan and I appreciated them for it.
Nowadays I don't have to have people beat the shit out of me to make friends. I've made the majority of my current friends in the past two years with the uniform ass kicking that we've all taken from drill sergeants. I made friends at the Rock uniting in rebellion against the corporation that gave us our drinking money. I've made friends at my old university by having a similar plight or outlook in life. And I've kept the few friends that I still have from home by being as real as possible.
I think some of you wonder why I continue to write these emails when many of you don't write back and may not even care to read long drawn out details of my life. I guess it's because I love you all in some way. You've all created a positive impact in my life in one way or another, and I miss you all. I swear I haven't been drinking. I talked to a friend of mine that is going to Iraq yesterday and I realized how scared I am for him and then I started to think about another friend of mine that's going, and another and then I started thinking about all of the people that I know that are going and then all of my friends that I have not seen in forever and how many people I miss and then I started to realize just how lucky I am to have so many people in this life that I love. I feel like there is this big water balloon filled with love inside me sometimes and it's seeping out all over the place and some people are stepping all over it but a lot of people are following me around with these bottles and all this stuff that seeps out, I still have a feeling in this stuff it's like these little pieces of me are scattered all over the place and every time something happens to the person carrying it I feel it. There's so much of this stuff that it overwhelms me sometimes and makes life hard to handle. A lot of it goes to waste but I guess it's better to have an overabundance of it than be lacking
in it.
I've been trying to think of a name for this stuff but for some reason I keep coming back to love juice which I don't think is a very good title giving it's sexual implications. I guess a better name for it would be sentiment.
Yes a gang. Most people I tell this can never picture me in a gang. I can hardly picture it myself. Sometimes I wonder if it ever really happened and how I wound up normal and most of them are drug addicts or stuck in dead end jobs or in jail. Okay, I admit, it wasn't like I was in the bloods or the crypts. The gang was actually a joke. I realized this one day when I heard the story about a fight that happened during a football game. I was playing in the game and would like to think that the events would have transpired differently but who knows.
The story goes, that this kid showed up at the football game that we were playing at home to see some girl that he was dating from my hometown. A friend of mine that was in the gang had some, what I would have called at that time, beef with this kid and approached him. The kid hit my friend and knocked him out. A "gang" of us surrounded him and one kid stepped out and also approached the kid only to also get knocked out. One last kid stepped out there to get knocked out and the crowd backed away from him. I realized that day that this "gang" I was in was a joke.
I guess I had my reasons at that time to join a gang. They provided me with the male friendships that I needed in my life at the time, a sort of male family member that I didn't feel I had in my life. They showed love for me and stuck up for me when the shit hit the fan and I appreciated them for it.
Nowadays I don't have to have people beat the shit out of me to make friends. I've made the majority of my current friends in the past two years with the uniform ass kicking that we've all taken from drill sergeants. I made friends at the Rock uniting in rebellion against the corporation that gave us our drinking money. I've made friends at my old university by having a similar plight or outlook in life. And I've kept the few friends that I still have from home by being as real as possible.
I think some of you wonder why I continue to write these emails when many of you don't write back and may not even care to read long drawn out details of my life. I guess it's because I love you all in some way. You've all created a positive impact in my life in one way or another, and I miss you all. I swear I haven't been drinking. I talked to a friend of mine that is going to Iraq yesterday and I realized how scared I am for him and then I started to think about another friend of mine that's going, and another and then I started thinking about all of the people that I know that are going and then all of my friends that I have not seen in forever and how many people I miss and then I started to realize just how lucky I am to have so many people in this life that I love. I feel like there is this big water balloon filled with love inside me sometimes and it's seeping out all over the place and some people are stepping all over it but a lot of people are following me around with these bottles and all this stuff that seeps out, I still have a feeling in this stuff it's like these little pieces of me are scattered all over the place and every time something happens to the person carrying it I feel it. There's so much of this stuff that it overwhelms me sometimes and makes life hard to handle. A lot of it goes to waste but I guess it's better to have an overabundance of it than be lacking
in it.
I've been trying to think of a name for this stuff but for some reason I keep coming back to love juice which I don't think is a very good title giving it's sexual implications. I guess a better name for it would be sentiment.
No comments:
Post a Comment