I haven't been to San Fran yet but will one day. I'm actually thinking San Diego or LA. But that's close enough.
"What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing?--It's the too huge world vaulting us, and it's good-by. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies."
I've realized in recent years that this is the exact moment in life that I live for. It's what keeps me looking forward to the next day. I live for that moment when I will leave everything that I know and I'm comfortable with to experience something completely different and to start over. I like new starts. Once I get comfortable I get bored. I think it's a way for me to connect with the child within me and to never grow up.
When you are a kid you experience the whole world like you have never seen it before. You look at the trees around you and the people. You notice the cracks in the sidewalk and the lovers holding hands in the park. That's where the thought ends. You don't need to know anything else. You don't contemplate the larger concepts. You take things as they are and that is all. But as an adult you take in as many aspects of the city to see where this all fits in the bigger picture. You try to make yourself comfortable again in your new surroundings. It's our nature. It's the same reason why I try to relate everyone I meet to someone I met somewhere else in my life. Once you're comfortable though, you abandon all of these child-like observations. You know the world around you. The ever day things that used to excite you are now dull in comparison to the places that you could be. So you need to venture to different parts of the city to find this excitement. But most of the time you don't and you get stuck in a routine. A comfortable, uninteresting routine; the routine of life. And it bores the hell out of you.
Or maybe this is all just me. Maybe it's my supposed ADHD that drives me to new things. Maybe it's my own dull existence that bores the hell out of me. Hey who knows, maybe I do have SAD and I need some "light treatment". I'm not sure what it is. But I do know that it's only been about 6 months and I need to escape. I need to be where the action is. Not in Iraq, I was thinking like Cuba. Maybe I can live on a cane farm and push weight for a drug lord with an automatic rifle ducking in bushes as helicopters fly overhead and low crawling to a ditch where I take fire from the authorities and throw grenades to buy time before running to the wilderness and to a river where I hold my breath for an immense period of time not possible for any other human being, to escape. Or just off the Miami coast where I'll shark hunt and party all night long in salsa clubs where the dim red lights and frilled skirts and shirts give me images of Spain and all the guys with the outdated pompadours that know how to dance get the girls. That's where I want to be. I want to see that. I want to experience that. I want to smell the shark blood in between my finger nails and taste the gunpowder on my lip. What's it like to work for a drug cartel? Could you ever imagine how rewarding it must be to gut a creature that is feared by most of the United States because of the movie Jaws?
I don't even really need that much excitement. A new club or bar or restaurant would do. All of my friends here want to go to the all of the same damn places. They're comfortable there. They know the bartenders, they've studied each cranny of the bathroom stall and they've got their favorite spots. Great. If I wanted familiarity I'd go home and drink in my room alone while watching Animal House and crushing beer cans on my forehead. Where are these peoples’ zest for life? Where are the troublemakers that created their own excitement everywhere they went that I used to surround myself around? And why does my friend Maurice love huge ugly women?
I guess I'll never understand some things. But I do know that it has something to do with growing up and I'm having a hard time with it. Where's Tinkerbell when you really need her?
"What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing?--It's the too huge world vaulting us, and it's good-by. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies."
I've realized in recent years that this is the exact moment in life that I live for. It's what keeps me looking forward to the next day. I live for that moment when I will leave everything that I know and I'm comfortable with to experience something completely different and to start over. I like new starts. Once I get comfortable I get bored. I think it's a way for me to connect with the child within me and to never grow up.
When you are a kid you experience the whole world like you have never seen it before. You look at the trees around you and the people. You notice the cracks in the sidewalk and the lovers holding hands in the park. That's where the thought ends. You don't need to know anything else. You don't contemplate the larger concepts. You take things as they are and that is all. But as an adult you take in as many aspects of the city to see where this all fits in the bigger picture. You try to make yourself comfortable again in your new surroundings. It's our nature. It's the same reason why I try to relate everyone I meet to someone I met somewhere else in my life. Once you're comfortable though, you abandon all of these child-like observations. You know the world around you. The ever day things that used to excite you are now dull in comparison to the places that you could be. So you need to venture to different parts of the city to find this excitement. But most of the time you don't and you get stuck in a routine. A comfortable, uninteresting routine; the routine of life. And it bores the hell out of you.
Or maybe this is all just me. Maybe it's my supposed ADHD that drives me to new things. Maybe it's my own dull existence that bores the hell out of me. Hey who knows, maybe I do have SAD and I need some "light treatment". I'm not sure what it is. But I do know that it's only been about 6 months and I need to escape. I need to be where the action is. Not in Iraq, I was thinking like Cuba. Maybe I can live on a cane farm and push weight for a drug lord with an automatic rifle ducking in bushes as helicopters fly overhead and low crawling to a ditch where I take fire from the authorities and throw grenades to buy time before running to the wilderness and to a river where I hold my breath for an immense period of time not possible for any other human being, to escape. Or just off the Miami coast where I'll shark hunt and party all night long in salsa clubs where the dim red lights and frilled skirts and shirts give me images of Spain and all the guys with the outdated pompadours that know how to dance get the girls. That's where I want to be. I want to see that. I want to experience that. I want to smell the shark blood in between my finger nails and taste the gunpowder on my lip. What's it like to work for a drug cartel? Could you ever imagine how rewarding it must be to gut a creature that is feared by most of the United States because of the movie Jaws?
I don't even really need that much excitement. A new club or bar or restaurant would do. All of my friends here want to go to the all of the same damn places. They're comfortable there. They know the bartenders, they've studied each cranny of the bathroom stall and they've got their favorite spots. Great. If I wanted familiarity I'd go home and drink in my room alone while watching Animal House and crushing beer cans on my forehead. Where are these peoples’ zest for life? Where are the troublemakers that created their own excitement everywhere they went that I used to surround myself around? And why does my friend Maurice love huge ugly women?
I guess I'll never understand some things. But I do know that it has something to do with growing up and I'm having a hard time with it. Where's Tinkerbell when you really need her?
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