I've recently started night shifts at twelve hour intervals 7pm - 7 am. It's a peculiar thing because I'm ALWAYS up when everyone else is asleep now. Before it was just weekends and the occasional visit during the week but now I stay up even when there isn't much to do but stay up. That isn't the case right now. I'm "working" which basically consists of me reading and talking and writing emails. Occasionally I browse the internet looking at different travel deals to remote places of the world and pretend I am there. Not that Colorado is bad but I guess I'm just never completely satisfied. I wish sometimes I could just live like a nomad travelling around to different remote parts of the world discovering beautiful things for the first time that have been discovered over and over the past thousands of years but feeling like I was the first… and with a dog. I may wear a hooded cloak with a satchel around my waist with different antidotes for curing any physical or mental ailments that may afflict me along the way and I'll grow out a bushy beard and grow my hair long and I just may change my name to Jesus only not pronounced G zuss. I would pronounce it Hey Zeus and I would stop talking in any coherent language so that Americans who know no better will think I'm Spanish and Spanish who know a little better will think I'm deaf. What will confuse them all will be the Reebok pumps that I will insist to wear at all times of the day and night. That's what I really want sometimes.
And sometimes I want a fun-loving horse rider who is skilled in the ancient Chinese art of acupuncture that she learned at in Mexico to be my wife and make me oatmeal in the morning which I gladly accept but feed to the dog instead because I hate oatmeal but don't have the heart to tell her because I love the way she looks in the morning with her hair draped over one shoulder and her short shorts as she mixes the two apple cinnamon packets with the warm milk. Who would top that every morning? Not me. The macaroni necklace making business that we both share duties running will not begin until after the dog has eaten all of my oatmeal which sometimes takes hours because she likes to do the crossword puzzle with her feet up on the chair and her hair in a pony-tail sometimes
before making love on the floor or on the dryer or washer or on the porch before taking a shower, which is the only time I can get rid of the remaining oatmeal chunks that I haven't nibbled away in my pretending to like it. And when all is said and done and the day is about to end it won't because we'd spend hours laying in the grass staring at the stars at the vast eternity that lay before our eyes and talking about things that have no real meaning or too much meaning to fully grasp.
But that's just the way I picture things. The reality is that you spend years and years looking for this ideal and no matter how close you get to it or think you've found it the shittiness of the real world is inevitable. You realize after years and years of being together that things don't work out anymore and you split up and get divorced like the other 75 percent of people in America, just as life should be getting good for you and you look to your children for support and understanding because they are the only people left in this world who really do love and care for you as much as you deserve to be. And the rest of your life is spent in solitude, living alone with other people for the rest of your existence and wishing that you never had those dreams of a perfect existence. I guess that's just life.
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