Someone has been stealing my cotton swabs. I bought a pack of 300 on Monday and half of it is gone. It's not in my head. I noticed it just before getting into the shower today and cursed my roommate. What would he need all of those cotton swabs for? I started to think that maybe he was obsessive compulsive about it. Maybe he can't stop cleaning his ears and he cries about it when I'm not around. Poor guy I thought.
Then I noticed that something else was missing, my razor-blades. I use Gilette Mach 3 turbos and bought a pack of 8 on Monday. They were all gone. I checked his razors to see if he had some left. Obviously it wasn't him if he had some left. There was nothing there. Then where were mine? Is he that hard up that he has to take my razor blades? I can't imagine he is. We have nothing to really spend our money on out here. What was he doing with it all?
I shaved my face with my dull razor and stepped out of the shower cut, bleeding and upset. I dressed and then rushed to get dinner before he asked me to bring him back something like I knew he would. Sitting alone at dinner I cursed him for his foul practice, but guilt overcame me and I brought hime something back anyway and the good stuff too.
On my way home I stopped at the store and picked up some new razors, cotton swabs, coffee and a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips because I was craving them for some reason. Just before getting to the
ranch I shook up his sprite and then tapped on the top so that it wouldn't taste good. After getting inside I told him what I bought and then he asked me.
"Do you have, like, some clean-ear-phobia or something? You just bought a pack of 300 and they're
almost gone."
"I was wondering the same about you."
A light bulb went off on top of both of our heads.
"The cleaning people."
They must be the ones stealing them. They are the only people besides us that have access to the
bathroom. But why cotton swabs? I bet they're like gold on their black market. I bet there are people
that make entire livings on just peddling swabs. They call them swabbies. They're the secret force
keeping everyone's ears free of wax. And they're using my swabs to make a fortune. That and toothpaste. They've been taking our smaller packs of toothpaste
too.
I don't want to stop them from it. I just want a cut of the action. A little taste. That's all I ask. A
little respect. I want to be the Swabtooth Godfather. I'll supply them and keep the order. I'll be their
protection and all I ask for is a small fee. We'll all profit from it and as soon we've acquired enough
assets we can venture out into other markets, like cotton balls and the small hotel sized shampoos.
We'll make a fortune.
Then I noticed that something else was missing, my razor-blades. I use Gilette Mach 3 turbos and bought a pack of 8 on Monday. They were all gone. I checked his razors to see if he had some left. Obviously it wasn't him if he had some left. There was nothing there. Then where were mine? Is he that hard up that he has to take my razor blades? I can't imagine he is. We have nothing to really spend our money on out here. What was he doing with it all?
I shaved my face with my dull razor and stepped out of the shower cut, bleeding and upset. I dressed and then rushed to get dinner before he asked me to bring him back something like I knew he would. Sitting alone at dinner I cursed him for his foul practice, but guilt overcame me and I brought hime something back anyway and the good stuff too.
On my way home I stopped at the store and picked up some new razors, cotton swabs, coffee and a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips because I was craving them for some reason. Just before getting to the
ranch I shook up his sprite and then tapped on the top so that it wouldn't taste good. After getting inside I told him what I bought and then he asked me.
"Do you have, like, some clean-ear-phobia or something? You just bought a pack of 300 and they're
almost gone."
"I was wondering the same about you."
A light bulb went off on top of both of our heads.
"The cleaning people."
They must be the ones stealing them. They are the only people besides us that have access to the
bathroom. But why cotton swabs? I bet they're like gold on their black market. I bet there are people
that make entire livings on just peddling swabs. They call them swabbies. They're the secret force
keeping everyone's ears free of wax. And they're using my swabs to make a fortune. That and toothpaste. They've been taking our smaller packs of toothpaste
too.
I don't want to stop them from it. I just want a cut of the action. A little taste. That's all I ask. A
little respect. I want to be the Swabtooth Godfather. I'll supply them and keep the order. I'll be their
protection and all I ask for is a small fee. We'll all profit from it and as soon we've acquired enough
assets we can venture out into other markets, like cotton balls and the small hotel sized shampoos.
We'll make a fortune.
No comments:
Post a Comment